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Larisa Sky's LiveJournal:
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| Wednesday, November 14th, 2007 | | 4:45 pm |
I follow the night Can't stand the light When will I begin To live again? One day I'll fly away Leave all this to yesterday What more could your love do for me? When will love be through with me? Why live life from dream to dream? And dread the day when dreaming ends One day I'll fly away Leave all this to yesterday Why live life from dream to dream? And dread the day when dreaming ends One day I'll fly away Fly, fly away | | Monday, October 22nd, 2007 | | 9:36 am |
"when will my reflection show..."
Reflecting over the past few months: The Good: Went to a couple of weddings for couples who are madly in love, very heart-warming. Got to meet some wonderful people and attend some amazing parties. Got to go sky-diving and white water rafting. Celebrated the solstice with my family. Got promotions and raises at work. Started Grad school. Got back into sewing. Made some meaningful connections with people. I took up running again. I finally bought tickets to visit San Fran. Spent more time on things I actually want to do. The Bad: Lost one of my closest friends, and certainly the one person who understood me best in this life. Almost lost my Dad to the heartattack he had and the following surgery. Grandpa fell and broke his hip. Lost Eric's Oma. Rosebud is dying. Dealing with fallout from the first thing mentioned (though the state troopers are being amazingly wonderful). Went through a series of BC changes which messed with my body and hormones. I'm broke. I'm too emotionally drained to make even more meaningful connections with people. The Beautiful: I feel loved. I feel taken care of. I feel watched over. I feel that I can take for a while and there are people who believe in me enough to keep giving to me even when I cannot give back. I feel blessed to have such people in my life. I feel honored to be in theirs. | | Thursday, September 13th, 2007 | | 4:48 pm |
"If I Ever Leave This World Alive"
If I ever leave this world alive
I'll thank for all the things you did in my life
If I ever leave this world alive
I'll come back down and sit beside your feet tonight
Wherever I am you'll always be
More than just a memory
If I ever leave this world alive
If I ever leave this world alive
I'll take on all the sadness
That I left behind
If I ever leave this world alive
The madness that you feel will soon subside
So in a word don't shed a tear
I'll be here when it all gets weird
If I ever leave this world alive
So when in doubt just call my name
Just before you go insane
If I ever leave this world
Hey I may never leave this world
But if I ever leave this world alive
She says I'm okay; I'm alright,
Though you have gone from my life
You said that it would,
Now everything should be all right
She says I'm okay; I'm alright,
Though you have gone from my life
You said that it would,
Now everything should be all right
Yeah should be alright | | Thursday, April 19th, 2007 | | 9:17 am |
Stuff.
So things have been going for me. I stayed up *way* to late last night sewing costumes for Anime Boston, which I now call AB-Boston in honor of DC Comics and ATM Machines. I pierced my nose. It's still a little tender. My car broke down and I was without her for a few days. Thanks to everyone who helped me out those days, you are all wonderful. My cousin goes to VT and was in the same dorm the shootings happened in. She's okay. If you can call being 18 and hearing your friends gunned down okay. There has to be a solution to the gun problem... And yes, before you even start, it's a problem. As my mother said, there have always been drunkards, but with the prevalence of cars they can kill more people, there have always been crazies, but with the prevalence of guns they can kill masses. I think I mentioned this already but I'm going back to school this August and I'm *really* excited about it. | | Monday, April 2nd, 2007 | | 8:38 am |
I went to a roller derby last night. It was a lot of fun. But I wish I could afford the time and money to actually participate instead of cheering on from the sides. In other news, um.... um..... Oh yeah, I'm definitely going back to school full time in August. I can't wait! Oh yeah, but I'll still be working full time. | | Tuesday, February 13th, 2007 | | 9:06 am |
I need a job!
Well, I need a second job, preferably waitressing or bartending or something the like. Anyone know of any openings? | | Saturday, February 10th, 2007 | | 12:56 am |
Rock my socks. No really, please? My socks need rocking.
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<span style="font-size:12px; color:rgb(255,255,255); padding:3px; font-family:Arial;"><strong>What will be your Edward Gorey death?</strong></span>
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<div style="padding:5px; text-align:left; font-size:12px; font-family:Arial; background-color:rgb(216,233,237);"> <center><img src="http://images.quizilla.com/N/NotAKiruGirl/1053185980_umbTiniesr.jpg"><br/>You will die in a fire. All of the pyro stuff you love is going to catch up with you someday. At least you went out with a bang.<br/>Take this <a target="quizilla" style="color:rgb(0,0,0)" href="http://quizilla.com/redirect.php?statsid=17&url=http://www.quizilla.com/users/NotAKiruGirl/quizzes/What+will+be+your+Edward+Gorey+death%3F">quiz</a>!<br/> <br/><a href="http://www.quizilla.com/redirect.php?statsid=18&url=http://www.quizilla.com/" target="quizilla">
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</div></div> | | Wednesday, February 7th, 2007 | | 8:43 am |
my coffee smells vaguely of funions...
... but it doesn't seem to be bothering me at all. I've been struggling with anxiety a lot this year. And by "this year", I indeed mean "for the past month."
Work, school, people. Blah. | | Monday, January 22nd, 2007 | | 10:23 pm |
Madness.
So I'm reading the Bell Jar and I'm thinking that perhaps I should stop. It's about a women's decent into mental illness. The book jacket says madness, but so far it just seems like depression. Depression is a ugly thing. Madness seems only marginally worse. I think the book is probably good for someone who has never looked into the face of the many kinds of depression. Good for someone who is not prone to lapses. This book is not good for me. I have issues with mental illness, ironically enough. My family, me genes are riddled with it. I ruminate about it. I hate it, it makes me sick. My brother raised me to believe that people who couldn't cut it in life were weak and worthless. Ironically enough, he can't cut it. After 20 years of preaching to me about not crying for years I held him as his brain broke and his body followed suit. I've committed him twice. I've disowned him once for crimes committed against me. He has only apologized for "trying to be the architect of my life" but for no specific abuse. It is silly to expect an apology from him. Because of his illness he cannot understand the consequences of his actions. That's my job. I have this feeling that he and I are just as nutty, only I'm a fuck-load stronger then he is. I know I'm wrong, but I don't know it in my bones. One of the things he gave me was the ability to be and do anything I decide to. I don't think this is a good thing. Perhaps it was in me all along, but no one is an island. I've been very good over the past 6 years, since I broke with him. I'd like to think I've gotten to a fairly healthy place mentally. I should not be reading this book because it's reminding me of his illness and mine. That being said, I will probably finish the book anyway. Why? Because, sadly, I'm always trying to prove just how much I can take. I only hit my limit once, it wasn't pretty. see Now on the flip side of this. This is why I find it so easy to love people. I'm not just talking about lovers, I'm talking about friends and family too. It's so easy to love people in general. It can make anyone live a better life. I know that sounds silly, but it's such a better way to spend your time. Current Music: This Is Why We Don't Have Nice Things by A Day at the Fair | | 9:43 pm |
| | Thursday, January 11th, 2007 | | 9:47 am |
Random.
So yeah, I've been busy, with what exactly I can't think of. But I don't know I've been busy. The last three months were very interesting indeed. I'm still working on sorting out everything, but it's all going back to homeostasis. In other news: I have applied for a perm. position here at Uconn, one which would give me educational benefits. Now I'm trying to pick a program. I'm looking for a well-ranked program within my area, preferably in psychology. Uconn seems to be the best place to study psych lately, so we'll see. It certainly would make the commute easy. I'm also thinking of ignoring the psych degree and getting an MBA instead. An MBA would be a fast degree with high rewards. A psych degree would take longer, but it seems to be much more my calling than business. I don't really even like business, I just like managing people. (and just in case you were thinking it, no, I'm *not* going to go into I/O (Industrial/Organizational) psych because I don't like it.) *cough* So yeah. There that is. I should get more sleep. I should wear more layers because I'm always freezing at work. *shiver* Current Mood:  sleepy | | Friday, December 29th, 2006 | | 9:39 am |
All the sugar is at the bottom of my coffee...
The gecko's I'm babysitting are going to be laying eggs shortly. Yay! Unfortunatly I don't have the equipment to make them hatch. *sad face* I want to play more chess! I've really become a chess nut recently. No really, I have a set and I play on-line and I have a chess-styled tissue box on my desk at work. A little nutty. Things at work are very stressful, so I'm countering this by reading Douglas Adams all day long at my desk. *purrrrr* I want to go rollarblading. Yay for introversion. I felt very awkward a few weeks ago because I was watching Dexter (terrible show, btw) and a psychopath was psychologically cruel to a hapless victim and I laughed out loud. There's clearly something wrong with my sense of entertainment. Or perhaps I've just been over-exposed to cruel psychopaths. I have too many facets. I know too much about psychology. There's too many personality possibilities! I want to play guitar more. mmmm, coffee..... mmmm.......... *purrrrrrrrrrrr* ****************************** If I die before I wake At least in Heaven I can skate 'cause right now on earth I can’t do jack Without the man up on my back | | Tuesday, December 26th, 2006 | | 9:00 am |
My First Christmas
No really, this Christmas was the first with my family. Different families have been kind enough, over the years, to welcome me into their homes for their Christmas, which was/is very magnanimous of them. This, however, was my first Christmas with my family. More specifically, my eldest brother (Nat), sister-in-law, mom, dad, aunt, uncle, grandpa, and great aunt. For a first Christmas and one in which communication was optional and minimal, it went off without a hitch. Everyone had different ideas of what was happening and what their role was, but everything fit together perfectly. My mother and I went a little over-board with presents. No one said Merry Christmas, which makes total sense actually. My grandfather and his sister are atheists to the extreme. My aunt and uncle are atheists, but still have respect for those with spiritual inclinations. My father and brother couldn't care less, my mother's into quantum physics as a path, and me... *shrug* buddhist/pagan/agnostic? My mother had made it a point to say that she's more into the idea of celebrating Yule than Christmas, so we all erred on the side of caution and didn't say Merry Christmas or Happy Yule in seriousness. The food was amazing, the decorations was red and green, the tree was small and decorated with stars and little wooden birds, mostly red robins. I really like the Scandinavian habit of decorating with tiny wooden carvings etc around the holidays. Everyone seemed very pleased with the presents. I gave my grandfather a Post-Secret book which he seemed enthralled with. I gave my mother a book on Pagan holidays, rituals, sabbits and so forth. I was unsure if she would be excited or offended by this (after two decades of being a Jehovah's Witness I wasn't sure how far she could be pushed...) I'm very pleased to say that she loved it. Of all the awful things I've said about my mother (especially of late), I love her for always being interested in new things and always being curious about other people's values and thoughts. Many middle-aged people stagnate and get set in their ways. I think I'm more set in my ways than my mother is. :) I really felt that yesterday was going to be weird and awkward and difficult to get through, but that it was a necessary evil in order to establish a new family gathering. It wasn't though. It was smooth and fun and everyone enjoyed themselves. Plus, I have left-overs in my fridge. :) We all promised to come back again next year for our non-christmas, more like yule but on christmas, christmas. Honestly, I can't wait. I haven't seen that much of my family in one room since my brother was married. Speaking of my other brother (Jon), Christmas is a secret from him. Since he's still a Witness we're keeping all of this a secret from him. I don't really want to, but my mother's more comfortable that way. That being said, my brother is certainly the most disturbed of all of us, and his family is a terror, so perhaps it's better this way, with everyone getting along. I've spent the last three Christmases with Alyssa and her family. I've been sick for most of them, but I was healthy this year! Her family spoils me and treats me as their own, which is wonderful of them. They never make me feel awkward or misplaced. My oddness fits in perfectly with theirs and I'm going to continue to do Christmas with them as long as I am welcome, no matter what my family is doing. That being said, it was very magical to actually be with my own family. To know that my oddness is not only accepting by the people surrounding me, but is probably a direct result of them. It's an amazing feeling and I know I'm getting all sentimental and stuff, but you have to understand, I'm 25 and I just had my first family Christmas. I feel like I have a family again. I feel like a kid again. Current Mood:  thankfulCurrent Music: "So this is Christmas" John Lennon | | Tuesday, December 19th, 2006 | | 9:47 am |
So what's the difference between a bad bruise/injury and a hairline fracture? Anything I can observe on my own without going in for an x-ray? Current Music: Silent Night. | | Wednesday, December 13th, 2006 | | 12:51 pm |
Narcissistic Nipples
So usually in the winter I never wear bras. Hardly ever. Today I wish I was. Everyone can see my nipples, everyone is looking at my nipples, and everyone is weird about it, therefore I'm starting to feel weird about it. Usually I wear a thick tanktop or two to prevent the overly friendly nipple effect. However, today it seems as though my tank top is failing in its resonsibility of keeping my nipples from making friends with anyone and everyone. Caio. Current Music: Obnoxiously Christmasy Christmas music (Paul McCartney) | | Tuesday, December 12th, 2006 | | 9:23 am |
| | Monday, December 11th, 2006 | | 10:33 am |
<table align="center" border="0" width="500" bgcolor="white"> <tr> <td> <center><B><font face="Verdana" color="#000000">Horus</font></B><br> <img src=" http://www.flarn.com/~warlock/egypt/horus.gif" width="171" height="300" border="0"><br></center> <font face="Verdana" color="#000000">Sparkling personality, intense will, intelligent, understanding, impatient to exert influence.</font><br> <B><I><font size="2" face="Verdana" color="#000000">Colors: </font></I></B><font size="2" face="Verdana" color="#000000">male: </font><B><font size="2" face="Verdana" color="#993300">red carmine</font></B><font size="2" face="Verdana" color="#000000">, female: </font><B><font size="2" face="Verdana" color="#CC9933">gold</font></B><B><I><fo nt size="2" face="Verdana" color="#000000"><br>Compatible Signs:</font></I></B> <font size="2" face="Verdana" color="#000000">Bastet, Geb </font><B><I><font size="2" face="Verdana" color="#000000"><br>Dates: </font></I></B><font size="2" face="Verdana" color="#000000">Apr 20 - May 7, Aug 12 - Aug 19</font><br> <B><font size="2" face="Verdana" color="#000000">Role:</font></B><font size="2" face="Verdana" color="#000000"> God of the pharaoh<B><br>Appearance:</B> Form of a falcon-headed man, wearing the double crown of Upper and Lower Egypt</font><br><B>Sacred Animal:</B> falcon</br> <center><font size="2" face="Verdana" color="#000000"><a href=" http://www.flarn.com/~warlock/egypt/" target="_blank">What is Your Egyptian Zodiac Sign?<br></a>Designed by <a href=" http://warlocksrealm.homeip.net/blog" target="_blank">CyberWarlock</a> of <a href=" http://www.flarn.com/~warlock/" target="_blank">Warlock's Quizzles and Quandaries</a></font><br></center> </td> </tr> </table> | | Saturday, December 9th, 2006 | | 4:49 am |
She takes a drink and then she waits
The alcohol it permeates
And soon the cells give way
And cancels out the day
I can't keep it all together
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
I can't keep it all together
And the siren's song that is your madness
Holds a truth I can't erase
All alone on your face
| | Thursday, December 7th, 2006 | | 11:47 pm |
| | Tuesday, December 5th, 2006 | | 4:53 pm |
Iggy Pop rocks my world!!!
( Unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egoistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromises. ) Current Music: Meet you There by Simple Plan |
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